shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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