He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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