There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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