btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
