Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
