id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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