He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Randomize