I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
