Ketchup is God's man juice
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
