ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
