If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
