I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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