shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
