did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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