My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
