my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
