I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
