Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
