I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
