I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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