As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I stole a fireplace last night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
