i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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