Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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