I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
