I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
