i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
