if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize