I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
