Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
