my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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