Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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