I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
