Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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