I seem to have left my pride at pride
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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