So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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