It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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