Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
