I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
