everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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