Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize