no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
