it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
