He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
They took my balls.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
