I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
