you mean i was at the winter classic?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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