is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
