i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize