maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
