So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
