I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
do herpes really smell.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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