I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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