"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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