On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
