I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
