My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
