does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
