If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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