I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
