You work out of a Hotel?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
