it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
