OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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