im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
