We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
this is an emotional support booty call
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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