After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
