I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
