My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you didnt know i had herpes?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize