I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
