dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
