how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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