How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
