ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize