Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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