so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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