Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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